Anyway I really hope that all of you know that I love you too, even if there might not have been enough lozenges to go around.
Just wanted to drop a note to tell you how much I appreciated your voting for the Fav female character thingie, I know you guys worked very hard, and if it's any consolation, I was informed that the results were very close. To me, it was enough to see u guys there and hear your screams.
I really have to apologize for not being able to spend more time with you after the show, and also to those who come and wait for me at radio gate on other days, but I always have to rush off cos the next morning is early. Unfortunately, Monday is also early! When I film, I try to focus and concentrate on the work as much as I can, sometimes to the point of being oblivious to all else.
The ghost show was emotionally-draining(much much more than I expected initially), and the current one is physically and mentally taxing, so my dears do forgive me if I always have to rush off - nowadays even that extra half hour of sleep is incredibly precious
Anyway, I really hope you have a good time on Sunday, enjoy yourselves screaming, just take it as stress-relief lah. God knows I need that myself, but I shall live vicariously through your screams.
This was originally posted on RBKD's forum.
Wow. Phew. Hold up, need a breather here.
It's been helluva year, hasn't it? Personally, this year has been one of blood, growth, sweat, learning, tears and acceptance.
Amazing how much can change and how much clarity you can attain within the space of one year.
Thank you. For all the love I've felt this year.
Thank you. To the people who spent their hard-earned money on the voting.
Thank you. To the strangers who come up to me on the street to give me words of encouragement even though when I don't smile, I know I look hella unapproachable :)
Thank you. To the people who turned up at Star Awards and yelled their lungs, bladders and hearts out. (I promise next year I'll buy you guys lozenges)
Thank you. To the people who bother to try to understand me, instead of taking the most popular and easiest method of writing me off as an ice statue.
You guys have a great Chrismas and New Years' ok? Be safe always.
Here's to moving onwards, always.
This was originally posted on the old Rui Bu Ke Dang Fan Club's Yahoo! Group on 18 December 2007.
Behold! This thee long-awaited Lozenges.
Granted to show my appreciation for thy fervent voting for the E-Awards!
Your aching voting fingers are super-powerful!
Now, this thee Lozenges shall grant you magical lung-powers for the Star Awards.
Open thy mouth and let the powerful screams resound!
And. . . . . Ali Baba Gostan!
Thank you for winning for us the E-Awards.
These lozenges are for Star Awards.
Have fun screaming!
See ya then. . . . .
For the Lozenges Recipient List, click [here].
Want to thank everyone who came down for the Punggol show, your lung power seriously impressive.
Am I happy? Every time I see you guys and hear your wild unabashed cheers I am always happy.
This was originally posted on RBKD's forum.
This year though, is different.
Instead of feeling like I'm drowning in loneliness, in it's place is a warm and overwhelming gratitude for all my inumerable blessings.
People think that the word "blessings" must neccesarily mean big things like money, career success, love, etc. It is always at this point of the year that people look back on the year and tally up such "blessings".
They forget about the small things...........the little things that don't neccesarily improve your life, but instead only make you feel happy to be alive.
The exact shades of reds and yellows of the leaves of the trees that blanket the Hills and mountains of Miyama, Japan. Trying to memorize those colors, hoping to always be able to see them in my mind till the day I die.
The gentle evening breeze that used to leave me feeling cold but now only leaves me feeling less alone somehow.
Being able to celebrate Christmas with marginalized children. Their smiles and unrestrained laughter.
Thank you, God. What a long way you've helped me come from the days of feeling that life was not worth living.
Merry Christmas to all in RBKD. Have you counted your blessings?
P.S. I got all your gifts, letters and cards. Thank you so much.
This was originally posted on RBKD's forum.
Looking at all the posts, especially your President Xinyi's post on the FC blog, I'm so so happy that this fan club has become more than just a fan club.
It's become a real community. It's made people overcome certain things like shyness that they didn't conquer before.
Cos I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if this became a distraction or waste of time for anyone.
Again, Happy Birthday. Here's to many birthdays TOGETHER ahead.
Flying off to Japan later, see you guys when I get back
And since I've become a certified Gleek, here's a wonderfully appropriate song for the occasion from the show for you guys.
Here's to defying gravity, always.
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!
It's time to try
I think I'll try
And you can't bring me down!
I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
This was originally posted on RBKD's forum.
Q: What are some of the challenges/difficulties that you faced while filming ‘Happy Family 过好年’(it was previously called ‘全家福’), in which you have to portray a bubbly girl, very different from your own personality?
RUI EN: “This probably was one of the most challenging roles I have taken on so far, second only to “Metamorphosis”, simply because 小冬 and her world was so foreign to me personally. Many don’t realize that simplicity and innocence can be one of the most complicated elements to portray. It is precisely this quality that many of us have lost long ago, but seek to re-instill in our lives. I must admit that I felt intimidated by her initially, but have only grown to fall very much in love with the character. It was and is my honor to be able to inhabit 小冬’s world for a little while, for she taught me many things. Some times, I can’t wait to leave a particular role/character behind, other times, you fall in love with the character. This was one of those roles for me, very strangely enough.”
“Our world has become very complicated, hasn’t it? I hope that 小冬 reminds you that things actually can be very simple, we just tend to complicate things for ourselves.”
Q: If you were given a chance, what kind of role/drama do you wish to work on?
RUI EN: “I would give anything to do another police/action kind of role. Incredibly demanding but completely worth it. Also very interested to play “darker”, more human roles. Perhaps someone with many regrets in her past. Even someone on a mission of revenge. A spy, a secret agent.”
Q: Do you foresee yourself being in the entertainment industry for the long term? I hope so coz I would miss your singing and acting if you would to leave the entertainment industry one day.
RUI EN: “It depends what your definition of “long term is”. As much as I love what I do, there will definitely come a time when I feel I’ve given all I have to give, and that it’s time to move on.”
Q: What really makes you move on and venture in this career even though you hate the “side effects” of this entertainment industry.
RUI EN: “The love of acting and singing, and the understanding and acceptance that every profession has its fair share of cr*p, you just have to deal with it.”
Q: Fans cry foul over you missing out on Star Award’s Best Actress nominations as An Xiaoqian (Metamorphosis) and Zhang Yuhang (By My Side); were you disappointed?
RUI EN: “It only bothers me that it really bothers my fans.”
“I have learned how dangerous and futile it is to base my personal feelings and self-worth on “what other people think” and things like award nominations. So, no. I am thankful enough to have a job I love doing and don’t ask or expect any more.”
Q: Do you have any ambition in your career? As in, ultimately, what do you aim to achieve? For eg, A best female lead? An All-Time Favourite Artiste Award? Gain recognition overseas? High sales in your future album? Having a breakthrough role? etc.
RUI EN: “Likewise, these are things that I never think of or even strive towards. I get asked by reporters all the time about such comparisons in relation to the other “princesses”. To me, such comparisons are the equivalent of trying to determine which is the best and most popular : chicken rice, prata, mee goreng or char kuay teow. All have their own merits, following and appeal. In other words, it’s impossible to determine a concrete answer and a waste of time.”
“I am only in competition with myself, no one else. To continually compare yourself with others is incredibly destructive. My only goal is to keep pushing myself to grow as a person.”
Q: Are you willing to be on CelebriTea?
RUI EN: “No. I have been open and honest enough in the ST Monday Interview that was published last year. In a world where broken families are more commonplace than happy ones, I revealed what I revealed then in the hope of inspiring kids not to go down the wrong path. I draw the line there. To continue to repeat myself and those facts would be utterly exploitative – using my personal life to gain public sympathy. I have a very, very strong stand against that and I see absolutely no reason to do it simply to boost ratings. The individuals who invented all sorts of reasons in the press for my not wanting to be on the show, should really try to understand things from perspectives other then their own.”
Q: What make you change from bubbly girl to such quiet girl ?/ Don’t you ever feel compelled to conform, such as putting up your own blog like the rest of your colleagues?
RUI EN: “I was only “bubbly” in the earlier part of my career because I was trying to conform to what I thought the viewers would want, what I thought people would want from me. Back then it was a struggle all the time between who I really was and this extremely narrow-minded, sterotypical pre-conceived notion of what a “girl” should look and behave like. As proven, I was dead wrong and it didn’t work simply because it wasn’t me. I was uncomfortable all the time and felt as if I was trying to fit into someone else’s skin. There’s really no value in trying to conform for the sake of it.”
Q: You have more female fans these days; do you think it has anything to do with your personality, such that they saw you as their role model?
RUI EN: “I only hope that it’s because they identify with my non-conformist approach both in personal life and career. Even now, there are so many expectations, standards, even stereotypes that females are expected to adopt and fit into. There is so much pressure on women both at work and at home. I believe in the right to choose for yourself. A question I ask myself all the time : would you rather a fulfilled or obedient life? Of course, along with the right to choose, you also have to accept that every choice in life has consequences.”
Q: As an actress yourself, you know all the positive and negative sides of this job. Will you encourage any of your fans to take up this career?
RUI EN: “We are all conditioned by the world and society to base our self-worth and esteem on things like, am I pretty enough? What car do I drive? Do I own property yet? In other words, rather superficial things. In this industry, the extent of this is multiplied, and your rice bowl, ability to make a living can mostly become dependant on superficialities. You have to be mature and clear enough in your priorities to be able to differentiate all the factors, otherwise it becomes a very toxic job. So, no, unless one is mature enough.”
Q: Will you be willing to act in historical dramas which touches on the hardships of Singapore’s women in the past such as ” Hong Tou Jin” and “Ma Jie”?
RUI EN: “I would love to, it’s a genre I’ve never tried before. Just like 小冬, it would be an honor to be a part of that world for awhile.”
Q: Which is your favourite or most memorable role/character to-date?
RUI EN: “Xiao Qian from “Metamorphosis” will always hold a special place in my heart.”
Q: Many of us have this mentality that celebrities take up volunteering simply only for public scrutiny and media attention. Is this the reason why you have chosen to be low profile about this? What then prompted you to take up regular volunteering on your own accord and how did you managed to find time for this?
RUI EN: “I try to be low profile about this because the last thing I want is to utilize this to benefit my public image. I chose to answer this question only because I want to try to encourage more youths to volunteer. Like I’ve said before, we are an incredibly selfish generation and desperately need to learn to be unconditional.”
“I do this when I’m not filming and I decided to start out of a pure dissatisfaction with spending all my time doing things for myself and for my own benefit. I told myself, “There’s gotta be more to life than this.” And I was right. Making others happy makes me so happy. I love kids so I work with kids. There is so much we can do. Given the amount of time all of us spend on Twitter, Facebook, etc, ie. on ourselves everyday, couldn’t we take a little of that time to help others?”
Q: Who do you look up to in your life or rather how do you make your life as meaningful as it can be? I would really wish to learn this from you.
RUI EN: “Don’t compromise your beliefs, principles and integrity, no matter how hard it gets. Resist the easy way out, the process is so much more important than the end. Learn to be unselfish, considerate and unconditional. Build your self-worth with pure hard work and the resulting achievement, not with superficial things.”
“I will always be learning till the day I die, but this is what I can share with you now :) ”
Paul: “I want to thank Rui En for taking time out to share so much even though her schedule was so packed with the last leg of shooting ‘Happy Family’.”
“Many people have been trying to ‘force-fit’ stars into the ‘mould’ they expect them to be. Many stars simply become the ‘by-products’ of such ‘terrorism’. Isn’t terrorism all about making others to conform to your ‘beliefs’?”
“Without your support or an avenue like this to hear them out in her true own words, we cannot claim to have known the star.”
“Rui En is the 1st celebrity in this ‘敲敲门 Knock-Knock’ series and she is not the last. I have decided to extend this interview session to other stars and ALL the questions literally come from YOU. Celebrities can choose to reply them in emails, video-interviews or audio recordings – it is about giving them the freedom and space to share with us…”
You can do it.
This was originally posted on RBKD's forum.
All those to ran and simply turned up to support - thank you so very much!
Really hope you enjoyed yourself and I hope this race has introduced you to the pleasure of running - 90 % pain until the 10% pure bliss and endorphins.
Have filming tonight, but this is the home stretch - just a few more days till we wrap. See you guys after that hopefully!
This was originally posted on RBKD's forum.
Originally posted as a tag on RBKD-online.com domain's 1st year celebration tag board at 15 Aug 09 23:10h.
So I'm just hoping that this Fan Club...I hope that this Fan Club becomes an organization, becomes a group where your parents don't.......you know you guys do things that are worthwhile your time and, don't spend too much unnecessary time doing unnecessary things and I hope eventually you guys move on, to maybe getting a little bit more involved into charity? Because this is what I'm starting to do right now, on my own.
And so, I hope that you'know, it becomes a Fan Club where your parents are not like, "Oh, you are wasting your time here", but rather, your parents know that "Okay, you guys 有分寸". I think that's the main thing luh. 要有分寸啦. Hor?
But I was very very impressed by the people who picked up litter at ComChest, I thought that was very impressive and thank you very much, people who have gone there, because you guys were very loud, and I understand it wasn't that many people in the end, but you guys were really loud, that was really really really nice... Thank you very much.
And so yup, I hope that eventually this group grows bigger and grows a little bit more mature luh right...like grow a little bit more, I mean I just hope we get to do things that's a little bit more productive.
I actually really really hope that you guys would go into charity, because I think its really...I think its something that young people really really need to do because when we see people like in different situations, now I'm sure you guys are actually quite okay, leading quite comfortable lives, but there's actually like a whole world out there, that you don't know about, these are really like conditions that we can't even really imagine, like child, like sexual abuse and all that, I think it would be really good for you guys to do a little bit of that next time.
Okay so yup, let's just be considerate as a fan club and yeap thank you very much. I hope you had a good time yesterday and tonight. Thank you very much.........
This is a transcript of the Thank You message Rui En delivered at the Annual RBKD Summer Chalet 2009 on 12th June 2009, at approximately 8.30pm.
Thanks to those who shelled out for the makeup too. Remember to do spend within your budgeted means. And I do mean even for Star Awards. Please.
Was very nice seeing u guys again after awhile. Hope you enjoy the new show. The character, if you think closely about it, stands for the innermost beliefs of many parents, educators, even the whole system system. Watch, think, and you’ll understand what I mean.
It was incredibly interesting to find out about the workings of the Singaporean education system, and I do now consider teaching an extremely important profession. Yes, I sound like an MOE advocate, but I have complete respect for those who do it with the right intentions.
I can’t even begin to express how much I’m looking forward to my trip. Except to resort to becoming an 8 year-old for just a second : YIPPEE! And ……….YAI - YAY! Ok I think I’ve got that one out of my system.
Do take care of yourselves and see you when I see you.
Originally posted on Too Complicated Blog by Rui En on 18 April 2009 at 09:44 pm.
Too Complicated Blog is accessible by FC members only. Publishing of content from Too Complicated Blog on Bridge is at the sole discretion of the RBKD committee.
Labels: Too Complicated
3. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
The book that (in a rather obtuse way) got me interested in collecting vintage clothes. The decadence and glamour in this made me seek out completely unaffordable 1920s evening dresses on Ebay to collect. Of course I ended up with ONE piece, and of course I could only afford a torn, stained one, but still, it was my first "collection" piece.
Glamour, tragic love, a classic.
4. Hamlet by William Shakespeare
Every soliloquy moves me to tears. Period.
5. Veronika Decides To Die by Paul Coelho
Current, immensely relevant to the youth of today, yet deeply philosophical and reflective. I always appreciate art in any form that makes the audience, the reader think.
Note: This was written in 2008.
1. Tracy And Hepburn by Garson Kanin
An EXTREMELY intimate look at the Spencer Tracy-Katharine Hepburn relationship, but it wasn't the relationship tidbits or juicy details of their romance that I was after, I was searching for anecdotes that could shed more light on the true Kate Hepburn, and I was right that Kanin would be able to provide some clues, given he was their close friend. Kanin himself writes very intelligently, with entertaining, witty ease. I couldn't find this book to order online ANYWHERE, finally had to buy it off The Bay, it's completely yellowed, dog-eared and ratty, but I love it.
2. A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
I actually bought it because of all the scandal and furore, so it was already classified as Fiction in my mind. However, his prose and style is pretty breathtaking. Have never read a author who was able to convey so much urgency and utter desperation as Frey. Very refreshing.
Note: This was written in 2008.
1. Continuum – John Mayer
If there ever was an album that came close to being the soundtrack to my life, this is it.
2. 我要快樂? - 張惠妹
She could sing a rubbish song, and I’d still adore it, for me, it’s her voice and the way she feels everything so INTENSELY, that moves me very, very much. I was very embarassingly and literally in tears in my seat at her concert here last year. I like all of her albums but I really liked the overall production and sound of this one, a lot more acoustic. It also contains one of my all-time favorite A Mei songs, “Hostage”.
3. 將愛 - 王菲
Very hard to pick my favorite of all her albums, though I do much prefer her later work, the last few albums before she retired. However, I just had to pick this one because it has the song “旋木” which resonates very much with me, you guys go figure out why :)
4. Indigo Girls – Indigo Girls
Probably one of their most acessible/”commercial” albums. Their lyrics have helped me through many a dark night. Their lyrics are poetry.
5. Taking The Long Way – Dixie Chicks
Music is about escape, no? Listening to this album, I can close my eyes and imagine that I’m on vacation, far far away from here. And. I’ve always had the tendency to take the longer way around.
Note: This was written in year 2008.
6. A Very Long Engagement
Marion Cotillard. In ONE scene. Steals the entire two and a half hour-long movie from Audrey Tautou. I worship at the feet of the Goddess Cotillard. Some people are born with gifts. She was. Others, like me, have to work our asses off and still never come close to that mastery. Which is why she is Goddess Marion.
7. What's Eating Gilbert Grape
Watching this film literally makes my heart ache. As in, it's so goddamn heart-wrenching that I literally have to keep my Ventolin on hand when I watch it. DiCaprio's performance cannot be topped. This is the story - this was before he did Titanic and became a megastar. When I watched "Gilbert" I had no clue who he was, as was the case with the majority of the audience. But. I actually thought they casted a real autistic person in the film. I never once imagined that was an actor acting autistic/mentally-retarded. That was how seamless and COMPLETE his performance was.
Note: This was written in 2008.
The view's not half as spectacular as our earlier stops, but the snow tipped mountains are everywhere you look. Here, you almost feel like you could just reach out and touch the clouds and the mountains. Everything's so....close.
Everything's bathed in a warm, soft, yellow candlelight.
It's just a moment that fades as the sun rises higher in the sky.
But the moment is peace and contentment.
3. Carlito's Way
Al Pacino and Sean Penn at their finest. Two of my idols in the same movie. Period. And that voice-over in the last scene, perfection. Perfection. I died watching that last scene.
4. Bride With The White Hair
I watched this on a rerun on TV when I was a girl/teenager, and realised that instead of the bubblegum, cutesy, flawless, girl-next-door, submissive and non-threatening (to men) idols that a girl of my age should be prostrate to, Lin Ching Hsia's character in the film was MY idea of a real idol.
5. The Assassination Of Richard Nixon
Sean Penn. Raw emotions to the point of being painful to watch. Very few actors can be that raw in front of the camera. He will be my idol now and forever. His performance was a masterpiece.
Note: This was written in 2008.
Whatta year, huh? In many, many different ways.
Resolutions? I've never been one for resolutions - they always seemed to me primed for massive failure. Something you do just because your supposed to, but end up not committing to. And you know I've never been one for doing what I'm supposed to
Resolutions can and should be made any time. But of course we can't escape the sentiment that comes hand-in-hand with holidays and important dates.
So let's call this a "direction" rather than a resolution. I hope to do more for others, than myself, in the new year. I hope to learn to be less selfish and self-centred.
And I hope I grow as a person.
You guys were amazing last night at both venues. Your presence (and deranged screams) at all these things always, ALWAYS, matters to me. Thank you again for all the love. And looks like I owe you guys a lozenge factory now. I could go on and on about how much I'm grateful and thankful for you guys, like I always want to do everytime I write to you, but then, you already know, right?
The MVs will be out soon.................
1. Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind
Real. It's real, it breathes. Love, without the cheese. It's hard to do romance nowadays without succumbing to chick-flick cliches, no? And Kate Winslet has one of my all-time favorite lines in this movie, you guys go guess which one it is. Her character in the film, is the woman we all secretly wish we could be, but simply don't dare to be.
One of the very few movies in recent memory that had me literally in tears.
2. Rear Window
It's Hitchcock, what else is there to say? One of the most fiercely intelligent thrillers that is a stark contrast to the cheap shock tactics blockbusters today love to employ. Not many people realise that the true horror in horror movies begin from inside OURSELVES, the audience. The dialogue is also one of the most cleverly crafted I've watched.
Note: This was written in year 2008.
The Straits Times | 15 December 2008 | Life! People, Page C4
In the flesh, 27-year-old Singaporean actress-singer Rui En could pass for a junior college student. She is 1.68m tall and says she weighs about 52kg.
So it is disconcerting to hear this slip of a girl intone in all seriousness: "I've decided to reveal certain things that I've never revealed before. I've decided to be a lot more personal. So when I was preparing for this interview, I was thinking I have enough stories for three lifetimes."
Her full name is Lu Rui En and she is usually tight-lipped about her personal life, especially about her broken family.
"You know how people are asked if they would change anything about their lives? Many say no, they wouldn't change a thing. Well, I would change the first 24 years of my life."
For instance, she would burn the photos from an FHM shoot she did during her modelling career. These days, she does not even wear revealing clothes on TV.
It would seem like this interview is the confessional she has been looking for. This is not because she needs to promote her recently released second album, United States, so called because she wrote the lyrics to many of the songs to unite her different states of mind.
It is because she has read The Monday Interview series in The Straits Times and has decided this is the "right platform".
She says: "You're not going to reveal things about your childhood in a magazine asking you about your new album or TV show. It is simply not appropriate."
She also thinks she is ready to unload her tale. "I used to be really angsty. That's the thing I like about getting older. You accept yourself a little bit more. I used to hate myself."
Today, she is not the straight-talking non-conformist who used to fire take- no-prisoners barbs like: "I never set out to be a Zoe or Fann. I don't like acting-acting. That's Channel 8 acting."
Instead, she is guarded and hesitant. "Petrified," she says. Most likely, she has run through many times in her head what she is going to say here and does not want to deviate from the chronological order of her life, just in case she gets "mixed up".
"I don't want to hurt my parents because they've been through a lot. I told them I was doing this interview and cleared it with them so they won't be shocked."
She starts at the beginning with her childhood. She is the only child of a property agent and a housewife. By all accounts, she was "very quiet". Unfortunately, her parents fought all the time.
"They were the most incompatible couple I have ever seen," she says.
"From the time I could understand things as a child, I learnt to be very careful, so as not to set off a war between them. If you did something wrong, it would set them off. The instability and insecurity I felt would plague me and influence my decisions for the rest of my life."
Her parents divorced when she was 17. Her father remarried three years later and her mother did the same a year ago.
She now lives with her dad, stepmother and grandmother in a flat in Clementi, and admits she is daddy's girl. But she is also close to her mother, whom she calls her No 1 fan in the album notes of United States.
"It's kind of squeezy at home but I like the fact that there are people around me, simply because I think things are a lot more stable at home now and I didn't have that when I was a kid."
On those tumultuous years, she says: "My career started when I was about 20 but I actually started acting when I was a child. I developed a very fertile imagination because I was lonely and I didn't have anyone to share my loneliness and frustrations with.
"It's irrational, but when your parents are fighting, you feel the need to take sides. And after you take sides, you feel a lot of guilt. You just blame yourself because, as a kid, you don't know what else to do. When you have to be so careful around your parents, you end up withdrawing into yourself."
It became a pattern: She felt like an outsider in her own home and everywhere she went subsequently.
During her primary and secondary school years in Singapore Chinese Girls' School, she felt she was from the wrong socio-economic class. "If you go to SCGS and you're not rich, it just makes it worse. From that point on, I was always an outsider looking in."
At Raffles Junior College, she was from "the wrong side of the tracks, by RJC standards", flunking her first-year exams. At Nanyang Technological University, she was a fish out of water--a literature lover studying banking and finance because it was "practical".
At MediaCorp now, she is also an outsider of sorts, trying not to be the average vacuous Channel 8 star. "Well, I try my best not to be," she says, and this has led to accusations that she is cold and unfriendly.
Her decision at Primary 5 to take up ballet, which she loves, deepened her feelings of rejection because the world of pirouettes in SCGS largely comprised "socialites' daughters" whose "mums knew one another and went for high tea".
She says: "Eventually, the whole not fitting in and feeling like an outsider just got to me and I quit after Secondary 1. And that is something I regret till now because I really love dance."
Without dance, there was a "hole in my heart", she says in an exaggerated fashion, acknowledging the melodrama of the phrase. This was when she "was drawn" to a schoolmate who was from a worse background than hers and yet "seemed so strong, streetwise and cool".
That started her period of delinquency during which she began to experiment with cigarettes and alcohol.
She says: "I hung out with the kind of people I shouldn't have hung out with. I was also probably trying, in my own ridiculous way, to annoy my parents because I wanted their attention."
Yet, she would always study at the last minute for her major exams and do well.
While waiting to enter university, she sent her photos to a modelling agency. "If somebody was going to pay me to take a picture, that was proof to myself that I was not unwanted, that I was pretty."
The agency signed her on and in 2001, got her in a SingTel TV ad, which in turn landed her a contract with Hype Records. This was followed by her first album, Rui En Vol 1, in 2002.
"When I did that first album, I didn't pay my dues. I was just given the opportunity," she admits. Before that, the only musical training she had was two years of choir experience in Secondary 3 and 4.
"Again, I got into show business for the wrong reasons, thinking if someone wants to sign me, it means I'm not that unwanted, I'm not so ugly. It was just this stupid insecurity thing again."
Until she was in her early 20s, she smoked and drank socially. "Smoking was something I did because I wanted to be cool," she says.
But in 2004, she started an overhaul of her life. On her own, she realised how her teenage delinquency, which set off another war at home between her and her parents, and her modelling, singing and acting career were all symptoms of her insecurity.
"I was looking for ways to fill the emptiness that I felt. And I used everything, from hanging out with older people to partying to fame. I thought that fame was the ultimate answer to my problems.
"So from 2002 to 2004, it was just about that, about my ego. That part of my career is completely regrettable. During that time, I did a couple of Chinese shows, including My Mighty In-Laws, but the worst was Achar!."
In 2004, in the second season of the Channel 5 sitcom about an Indian- Chinese couple, she replaced actress Steph Song and turned in a performance that disgusted herself.
"I remember watching Achar! and thinking that I didn't recognise myself. I was doing kissing scenes and all this annoying behaviour. I watched the show and thought that was not me. All I saw in my eyes was the hunger for fame and popularity. I really hated what I had become.
"So I decided to sit down and take stock of my whole life. I realised that I was just allowing myself to be a victim."
She adds: "I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I didn't want to use my broken family as an excuse for my behaviour anymore. I had to grow up."
So she quit smoking and drinking. She quit wanting to be famous and popular. And most significantly for her career, she quit doing kissing and intimate scenes.
Ironically, in that same year, she was nominated for Best Newcomer at MediaCorp's Star Awards. Effectively, she stuck a knife in her own career when it was just starting to blossom.
She says: "The result of my decision is that my opportunities now are very much limited, because generally, such kissing scenes are required."
Since 2005, she has played variations of the feisty, young woman in shows such as A Promise For Tomorrow (2005), Love At 0 Deg C (2006), Honour And Passion (2007) and Metamorphosis (2008).
Earlier this year, she rejected a role in the Channel 8 drama The Defining Moment because of a rape scene in the script. The high-profile part of a go-getting businesswoman struggling with mental illness went to Fann Wong instead.
It has also been reported that there are influential TV producers who will not cast her in their shows. This does not concern her, not when she is finally at peace with herself. She says she is in a good place in her life because she is not fighting with herself anymore.
When she is filming--her current project is The Dreamcatchers where her character is stuck in a love triangle with Shaun Chen and Elvin Ng--she mostly keeps to herself in between takes by reading and listening to her iPod. When she is not working, she watches DVDs, reads, surfs the Internet and goes running.
She says she does not have any good friends in the industry. She does not have many good friends, period.
"I don't understand why people are so fearful of being alone. I love being alone."
As impressive as her Wolverine-like self-healing ability is, a counsellor or therapist might say she still has some things to work on. For one thing, she seems a little too thin, although she says her negative body image days are behind her.
Also, she seems to have a fear of relationships. Currently single, she says she regrets all the romantic relationships she has had till now and admits she might never get married.
"My mother is quite upset and has said to me, 'Please don't use us as an example'. But when you grow up in that environment, you become careful. I would rather not put my welfare or my fate in the hands of somebody else."
Then why did she do this heart-to-heart interview, which certainly requires a great amount of trust?
"I am hoping that kids who read this might realise that no matter how bad your family situation is, you have a choice not to be a victim," she says.
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Thank you to all involved and who have sacrificed precious time and energy for this project.
Am particularly aware of all the blood sweat and tears (literally) put in by all the committee members. Am eternally grateful for each and every one of you and the love you have shown. I hope the album is a nice exchange for the love you've given me.
I hope we can all overcome whatever setbacks and disappointments we encounter together.
See you on the 22nd..........
If you are keen to write to Rui En, you may wish to send your letter to the following address:
Attn: Rui En
Hype Records (ArtisteNetworks)
221 Henderson Road #02-04
However if you are intending to send her a gift, please be price sensitive. She can be rather uncomfortable with the idea of fans spending too much on her, for her. So do take note of this :)