This is not healthy, absolutely not. I thought at the very least, I had that very last reminder, that very last motivation. Something that always worked in the past, it doesn’t now, not at all, not for a single second did it work this time round. I’m worried, very worried. I don’t want to decide now, or to commit to one now, because if I do, there’s no return. I don’t want this to happen either, but I’m not sure if I could stop it, if I could stop it, really. Where the hell is the reminder that is good enough to convince me now? Please, I need it. Please, I really need it. Please.

Me